Internal changes are causing more external dismay.

So roughly 2 months ago, I take a traditional shower to cleanse the body in preparation for yet another droning day at my less then moronic place of employment when terror strikes.

As it turns out, I get aroused during my self cleaning, and pay absolutely no attention to the fact that I'm growing a raging huge mega boner. The continuation of the shower leads to the washing of my feet with whatever soap that I could find in there as I was struggling with shampoo in the eyes as well.

I wash foot number 1. As I lift my other leg to wash foot number 2, I lose my sturdy grounded footing and slip.

CRASH!! Right on the boner. Pain like I've never known before comes throbbing up from my swollen member, shooting spasms course through my veins, and the world halts for a yelp that falls upon ears that aren't present to hear.

After several minutes of pain, I'm running late, so I clean up the mess and trot off the work like a good little corporate worker bee...

I have had yet to have the time to have enough care to get the beast inspected by trained medical professionals until just this afternoon. Decidedly, as it was also a good time to get some other things checked out, I go on my way yonder to the irking community medicenter for the standard run down and full examination.

The place smells like urine and homeless persons as I find out that it's also a methadone dispensary, and the place is swarming with homeless and sex trade workers.

The papers get filled, filed, clip-boarded and passed down the line, I'm instructed to "wait for the next available nurse" as per usual protocol.

Ashley, very nice looking nurse. Young, clean, very professional in composure, and very reassuring to not be awkward while directing the interesting medical ballet that is about to be induced on the bathing suit parts of my body.

She takes blood, only mistake it would seem is that she chose the wrong vein and punctured in a fashion that is leaving an impending bruise on my arm. Requested urine in a cup, I'm always up for a challenge to pee in one of those little things without dripping all over it. Visual inspection, all is normal, happy, healthy, and honestly in that nice clinic rooms lighting, quite pretty. Physical inspection...

Her face dramatically changes from a friendly, warm, comforting smile to an immediate glare of confusion. She leaves the room suddenly, and returns to tell me that I must see a doctor, and she's made the appointment for me in 1 hours time. Does not offer any reasoning as to why. Gives me a little card with the clinics phone number, as well as her direct exchange number on the side of it.

I leave to find coffee, cigarettes, a drink, something to help me distract myself from the thoughts that are rolling around my skull of all of the what if's.

45 minutes pass, it's time to return. The doctor was quite swift in getting into the notes that the previous original inspecting nurse had written in their eloquent medical short hand. something along the lines of 'corpus spongio´sum pe´nis a column of erectile tissue forming the urethral...' I zone out from the depth of 15 syllable words spouting from the doctors mouth that are far beyond the range of my vocabulary.

I ask "could you please slim down the medical jargon and explain to me in a way that I'll understand, and try and give me some reassurance?" She replies, "Well, it's not an STD and it's not a cancer." and continues with some more $10 words.

I ask again, "please, in the simplest form of an explanation please?"

The doctor pauses. Think for a moment. "Well Josh, you broke your penis."

I can't hold in the laughter of shock from that statement, and I do give silent applause to the doctor for being able to keep herself from laughing along with me. "Where do go from here?"

She instructs that she's going to make a referral to a Cock Doc to check it out a little farther.

I am the only person I know that has somehow managed to successfully break their penis.